Two Women Doing Self-Care Canva
One of the biggest trends in recent years is “self-help,” the concept of healing your inner traumas or going on the path of becoming a “better” person. It is a concept that at a glance seems amazing, but can turn sour in an instant.
The issue that arises with this idea of “healing yourself” is how easily it becomes an unhealthy obsession. Toeing the line between self betterment and toxic positivity is difficult, and many tend to fall into the latter at some point.
Then there is the predatory capitalistic underbelly of it all; though I’m sure many are aware that a self-help coach’s $1000 course wouldn’t actually benefit them.
“Self-Improvement” has become an industry that is reminiscent of early charlatans who claimed they had a “cure-all” for any ailment. A lot of the content produced feels like a cheap cash grab at worst and surface level journaling prompts at best.
Quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing about attachment styles, shadow work, and the $111 guides on how to heal your childhood wounds.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be in a mindset of recognizing that you need help and seeking it out. However, it is detrimental to constantly scrutinize yourself in the name of “healing”.
Coming from someone who’s been trying to “improve” themself for years, you’ll run the risk of damaging your mental health further.
I’ve driven myself near-mad in the past in the pursuit of bettering myself. The more I tried to “better” myself the more things I found to dislike.
This entraps you in a cycle of working tirelessly to find some magical method that works then feeling like a failure when the effects aren’t permanent. You wonder why you just can’t “get better”.
It doesn’t help that this genre of content tends to set unrealistic expectations, especially within social media. It often generates a conversation that lacks inclusivity and nuance.
This is most notable when factoring in systemic causes of trauma and mental issues. Though, I want to make it clear this is not meant to compare traumas. Rather, it’s important to keep in mind that self-improvement content is incredibly generalized.
Not everything will or should apply to you, and frankly some of the advice is so surface level to the point of being laughable. It feels similar to being told, “if you’re depressed, just don’t be.”
It’s easy for these self-help gurus to give advice on self-improvement, but it’s different for those who don’t have that same time, energy, or money to “fix” themselves.
Many are focused on plain survival or other areas of life that require more attention like work or family. Some days it simply isn’t feasible to “work on yourself.”
For others, the trauma they deal with can’t be helped with a book or TikTok video. The issues they grapple with could be something that requires extensive professional help—emphasis on the “professional.”
Something that is most grating of this “self-help” trap, though, is the preset notion of success that pressures you to be healed within a certain timeline.
Despite what these self-help books and guides say, healing is not linear. There is no way to be rid of your mental health issues or trauma overnight.
Some things will probably never stop affecting you. It is more realistic that you’ll spend the rest of your life “healing”. This is perfectly normal, and in fact incredibly common.
All this is to say that it’s harmful to frame yourself as something that needs fixing; that is the root of this issue. Self-improvement itself implies that there is something bad within yourself that needs to be improved upon.
This is not only potentially toxic, but an intrinsically poor foundation to healing. Once you move into the space of feeling broken, it is the perfect gateway to obsessing over becoming “better”.
Truthfully, the best self-help advice I have ever gotten is to accept who you are in your current state.