The One and (hopefully only) Time I Will Ever Talk About Justin Bieber

Eggs - Justin Bieber’s weapon of choice.
Eggs – Justin Bieber’s weapon of choice.

Normally I try not to focus any attention on Justin Bieber. The less I think of him the better.

However, I am a man who likes to go online, read the paper, and watch television and it seems that there is no way for me to escape hearing things about the Biebs.

Now, this article may seem horribly researched. That’s probably because I am not going to give this snot the satisfaction of having absorbed any more of my time.

So, from what I gather from what I’ve seen within the media, Canadian pop sensation (though I find him far from sensational) Justin Bieber recently tossed eggs at a neighbor’s house, had his house searched by the police, and then was smart enough to get charged with a DUI.
This is just within the past two or three weeks. Searching back in my memory, I can remember Bieber having some sort of incident with a Brazilian hooker. The hooker, as I recall, took a cellphone video of herself lying next to a sleeping Bieber.

Now, I bring this up for a reason. Believe me. I have a reason; I wouldn’t talk about Justin Bieber if I didn’t have to. Within the last few weeks I’ve heard people talk about in passing what a different edge Bieber has to him – that he’s become some sort of hard-core figure. He’s not. He’s a punk kid who wants you to think he’s a grown man.

What other explanation could there be? It is my speculative guess that Bieber’s recent antics have all been a product of him trying to drastically change his image.

I know that I’m not a Canadian pop sensation (though there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t fantasize about being one) and I can’t say that I can read Bieber’s mind, but I will say that Bieber and I are about the same age. I can say with some certainty that if most people’s perception of me at this age was of some adorable boy-toy and really no other consideration outside of that, I’d probably be a little ticked too.

Bieber’s antics seemed oddly familiar to me. I kept thinking of whom his behavior reminded me of and then it struck me – Lindsey Lohan. Lohan, once a famed Disney star who turned drug addict, alcoholic and thief, tried famously to break away from her squeaky clean image.
One of the first instances where it became clear that she was trying to change her image was when she starred in a smutty horror picture called I Know Who Killed Me. After that, a string of arrests and stints in rehab assured that Lohan’s image would be forever changed…mostly because it was damaged.

But with Lohan, it felt like she had sincerely made missteps in her life, Bieber’s recent media appearances seem oddly staged. Everything seems too…tame.

Think about it: Bieber didn’t hear a giggling prostitute as she filmed herself next to him, he didn’t have the sense to just run away after throwing eggs at his neighbor’s house, and no one was injured in his DUI incident. Everything is too neat and tidy.
To me, this seems like the desperate cry of a boy who wants to tell the world that he’s a man.

But he isn’t a man. A man doesn’t do these things. A man does not prove he’s a man by acting like an arrogant fool to his neighbors, by buying sexual favors, or by endangering everyone’s life on the road by driving under the influence of mentality-altering substances. That’s what a punk does.

So don’t be fooled by what I believe to be a stunt. Justin Bieber hasn’t turned into a tough-edged man; he’s just acting like a brat in man’s clothes.

Now rumors abound that this guy might actually get shipped up the river back to Canada.

If that’s true, I sincerely apologize to our neighbors of the north. But, to be fair, he was your problem to begin with.
Personally, I’d rather see Bieber do hard time in an American prison. I don’t mean a celebrity prison that a person like Paris Hilton or the last three governor’s of Illinois have gone to; I mean a REAL prison.

Honestly, I think that would be the best thing for him. He wants to act like a tough guy. Ok, let him fend for himself within the confines of a concrete jungle where only the mentally and physically strong survive.

That’s probably not going to happen. He’ll probably be sent to a prison that’s more of a getaway club for celebs or go to rehab to nurse whatever problem he’ll say he has in his defense.

What a shame.

What a shame….

Brian Laughran
Senior Viewpoints Editor

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