As you become an adult, you slowly start to realize how much of an impact your parents have on the person you ultimately become. I would say that in the last two years especially I have had more than a few “I’m becoming my mother” moments.
In my case, that it is not a negative thing at all. I am lucky enough to have very strong, independent, loving and nurturing woman for a mother. But she is also a cleaner, a planner, an organizer and a worrier.
The traits we inherit and observe can be wonderful things and they can also be a little strange, as I realized when I set my alarm in order to wake myself up early on a Saturday morning specifically with the goal of cleaning my kitchen.
As humans, we tend to stick to what we know and what we’ve been taught. We learn by observation. As a child, my family always spent a good few hours cleaning our house on Saturdays before we did anything for leisure or play, that’s just the way it was. And all of that started to click for me as I (a 21 year old college student) mopped my kitchen floor early on a Saturday morning even though my mom was nowhere in sight.
This example is my way of illustrating the age old question of how much our parents really shape who we are. My answer to that is, your parents are the most influential force in terms of sculpting your future self.
I am sure there are many people who would disagree and say that you develop personality, habits, values, preferences and instincts based on the world around you or what you experience. Undoubtedly, those things do play a role. But I have found myself and almost everyone I know to be a near direct reflection of the way they were raised and the people who raised them.
I had a very close friend who had some very unique habits and values that I could never seem to understand…until the day I met her parents. The instant I began interacting with her mom and dad, everything made sense. I could see her mannerisms, language, priorities and everything else reflected in that of her mom and dad.
I would assume that anyone who has had the opportunity to spend some time with me and my mom and dad would say the same thing. The funny part is that we become our parents without even knowing it. In fact, we may think we are nothing like our parents. We may even strive to be noticeably and publicly different from them.
As explained by Stanley J. Gross in an article for psychcentral.com, “How we act in our committed relationships is largely the result of how we experienced relationships in our families-of-origin. We often talk, walk, eat, think, and may even vote like our parents. We may not realize, however, how influential they have been. For some, it is only when dealing with their own children that they first recognize these similarities.”
Not only do you resemble them in appearance, but also in language, mannerisms, thoughts, values, morals, world views, opinions and lifestyle. You are more than likely to treat others and interact the way you have been taught to do so.
It is likely that you will treat your spouse the way your parents treated each other and as much as you want to think “I’ll never be like my mom”, you will probably parent your children the way you have been parented.
Your parents mold you in way that is so much more significant than any other factor.
Your experiences, society and culture will make minor adjustments along the way, but your parents are the solid and largely unchangeable framework. As usual, just something to think about.
Bridget Goedke
Senior Viewpoints Editor