However, winter really takes the cake for awful things happening during the season.
There are so many awful crimes that winter has committed simply by existing, but I have picked the ten worst things about the holiday season.
1. Snow. Don’t get me wrong. I think snow is pretty, but snow is also cold. If it gets in your shoe, you might as well just walk around barefoot and hope you don’t get gangrene. Plus, snow gets all slushy and gross if it gets dirty, and it looks like some sort of grey goo that somebody threw in the gutter.
2. Eggnog. I really don’t get the appeal of eggnog. It tastes kind of like what I imagine glue would taste like if you poured cinnamon in it.
3. Everyone forgets how to drive. As soon as there is any hint of snow on the ground, people tend to revert back to the first day of driver’s ed. Well, at least MY first day, which consisted of lots of jerks, bumps, and screams.
4. Radio stations that play “Last Christmas” five times in an hour… I don’t mind the non-stop Christmas music, but I hate the song “Last Christmas” with the fiery passion of 1,000 suns.
5. … but will never play “Dominic the Donkey”. Those stations that play “Last Christmas” on an infinite loop? They never even play “Dominic the Donkey,” which is totally in my top 3 favorite Christmas songs and tops my list of favorite songs about donkeys.
6. Eggnog. Eggnog is gross. Really, really gross. Really, really, really gross. Like “congealed pond scum” gross.
7. Sweater hate. Everyone always has “ugly sweater” contests, but I love sweaters. Big sweaters, little sweaters, bold sweaters, all sweaters. I think all sweates are beautiful, and I’m sure most of them have self-esteem issues from constantly being called ugly.
8. Cabin fever. I hate being stuck inside all the time. It gives me a fever, and the only cure is cowbell…or going outside.
9. Poisonous plants everywhere. Mistletoe. Poinsettias. Pinecones. If it is a Christmas plant, it is poisonous if you eat it. I think the holiday might be trying to kill us.
10. Eggnog. Seriously. It’s just gross. Okay?
Becki Brown
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