With Valentine’s day coming up it may have been tempting to provide a simple list of great romantic comedies to view with your loved one. while there’s always room for that, an even better idea would be to see which of these guilty pleasures, so-bad-they’re-good and just plain bad romps you can watch through without abandoning hope.
Gigli (2003): If you want someone to hate you, sit them down and force them to watch this crime romance starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Nothing screams the worst part of the early 2000s like Bennifer. To be quite honest, I couldn’t even tell you the plot…something about a poor man’s hitman kidnapping a mentally challenged man and needing to be watched over by a “lesbian assassin” and they all become friends through a hostage situation.
There are so many terrible monologues, and scenes that go on forever it’s almost as if the editor took a week off. To give you an idea of how awful it is its budget was over fifty million dollars but it only earned back a little over three million at the box office (not to mention it most likely caused the couple to break up). This film will crush your soul, leaving you questioning everything that you thought was good in the world. I feel like everyone should watch this movie at least once just to say that they lived through it.
Armageddon (1998): Explosions! Forced Romance! Terrible Dialogue! What could b
e a cocktail for disaster turns out to be something so awful it’s great. Armageddon follows a bunch of rough neck deep core oil drillers drafted by NASA as the world’s only hope in the face of well…armageddon. They must go into space and use their expert drilling skills to destroy an asteroid. This is a job that apparently no one else on Earth more qualified for space travel could do.
Disgustingly patriotic, sexist and melodramatic, Armageddon is just another walk in the park for infamous Transformers and Bad Boys director Michael Bay. While it’s sold as an out and out action flick, if you take out the initial plot of unlikely heroes saving the world, it’s about a cocky kid who falls in love with the boss’ daughter and is desperate to win his approval. Classic romance.
But wait there’s more. Armageddon is a comedy, too. Forget the intentional comedic elements like the unnecessary running gags and terribly offensive jokes, it doesn’t get better than Bruce Willis, Steve Buscemi, and Ben Affleck as bumbling yet earnest astronauts.
Grease 2 (1982): Not many people are aware th
at a sequel to Grease exists–and it should stay that way (I would say if I didn’t want other people to join in my suffering).
Michelle Pfeiffer stars in what feels like an unauthorized Lifetime version of the iconic musical. A goody two shoes student Michael Carrington (Maxwell Caulfield) falls in love with bad girl Stephanie, a Pinky Lady who is so tied up in her motorcycle clique that she can’t give the bookish Brit the time of day.
It takes everything that was charming about the first, flips it and craps on it. It’s just another terrible case of someone radically changing themselves to get someone to notice them. It’s tacky, frustrating and confusing but there are weird musical numbers and hot people, so there’s that.
Upside Down (2012): Taking major cues from Shakespeare’s tragedy Romeo and Juliet, it follows two teens Adam (Jim Sturgess) and Eden (Kirsten Dunst) who fall in love despite their worlds being separated by two different gravities. Ten years later, after being torn apart, Adam finds Eden and discovers a way to leave his home in Down Below and visit her in the more affluent Up Top.
The system in which they live allows two planets to have a dual gravity and they orbit one another in close proximity. Interesting concept, terrible execution. I would feel comfortable completely writing off this film if it wasn’t so imaginative and beautiful. Even though the plot is severely lacking, it’s worth a watch just for the visuals.
Silver Linings Playbook (2012): After his wife cheats on him and 
he goes through a stint in a mental institution, former teacher Pat (Bradley Cooper) moves back into his parents house and gets involved with Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence) a woman just as equally messed up as him. It is the first of many collaborations between Cooper, Lawrence and director David O. Russell. There is a general consensus among critics that Silverlinings is a great movie, it even earned Lawrence, Russell and Cooper Oscar nominations–Lawrence winning for Leading Role.
That’s all fine and well but there is something about it that just rubs me the wrong way. It’s a two hour screaming match with characters that are hardly likeable in various awkward and tense situations. But at least you and your Valentine can sit back and marvel at the fact that your relationship isn’t as terrible as the one playing out on screen. Enjoy.
Pride & Prejudice (2005): Another adaptation of the classic Jane Austen novel, this version of Pride & Prejudice stars Keira Knightley has the head strong and witty Elizabeth Bennet. She has a mind to share her opinions in a time when women were encouraged to be seen and not heard. Her refusal to marry the first man to propose goes against the values of a system that favors marriage for title and financial gain as opposed to love.
A series of unfortunate and chance meetings with a shy but snobbish wealthy gentleman named Mr.Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen) presents a challenge to her outspoken nature. The film takes it’s time developing their relationship, allowing you to live within the characters and understand their troubles.
Even though you expect the cliche romance happy ending it doesn’t feel like a cheap genre trope–the characters have earned it. If you’re not for the sentimental, there is also a zombie version of this flick out in theatres now. What a time to be alive.
Something New (2006): Kenya McQueen (Sanaa Lathan), an accountant with inhumanly high dating standards, considers herself unlucky in love, mostly married to her work and always attracting the wrong type of guys. But when she hires a down to Earth landscaper named Brian (Simon Baker) she finds herself drawn to the help. Something New is a very straightforward and often funny commentary on race talk and interracial dating.
Leap Year (2010): When Anna (Amy Adams) is desperate to get engaged, she follows her boyfriend on his business trip to Dublin, Ireland to propose to him. According to tradition, a man who is proposed to on Leap Day must accept the proposal. Ah, yes, the good ol’ Leap Day trap. When things go awry she pays local innkeeper Declan (Matthew Goode) to be her guide across the treacherous countryside.
The two form an strenuous bond that ultimately leads her to question her motives for crossing an ocean to propose. A wonderful mix of comedy and romance, this chick-flick holds the number one spot for the best cheese filled quote in the history of rom-com cheese filled quotes that make no sense: “I don’t wanna not make plans wit ye, I wanna make plans wit ye” And be sure to read that in the worst Irish accent you can possibly think up.
Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day (2008): A quirky romance about an aging governess struggling to hold down a job in London. When Miss Pettigrew (Frances McDormand) is fired from her agency, she sneakily takes a job as a social secretary for a naive starlet who is sleeping her way to the top. While getting a taste of higher-class living she helps singer Delysia Lafosse (Amy Adams) confront her multiple lovers and clean up her act. More than anything I love the gorgeous set design and being whisked along their adventures hopping from cocktail parties, to fashion shows to nightclubs. Hopefully you will, too.
Beyond the Lights (2014): This drama deals with two young people who feel their lives are out of their control–one a rising pop star sick of her momager pimping her out to the music industry, another a young cop forced to run for public office by his dad. When near fatal circumstances bring the two together, the unlikely pair forgo the pressures thrust upon them and begin to make decisions for themselves. It stars Minnie Driver, Danny Glover, Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Nate Parker.
Coming to America (1988): When African prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy) fails to pick a bride on his 21st birthday he travels to America to look for love. When lands in New York he and his manservant Semmi (Arsenio Hall) experience some major culture shock but he won’t let that stop him from courting the daughter of a McDowell’s owner–not to be confused with it’s more popular competition McDonald’s. It’s like the prototype for every love centric reality television show of the 2000s. This comedy is an oldie but a goodie, especially in contrast to Murphy’s more recent paychecks.
Zhana Johnson
Senior Features Editor