Chicago Theater Sign Javell Sheppard
On Feb. 16 and 17, 2024, members of The Xavierite staff attended the Illinois College Press Awards (ICPAs) in downtown Chicago. Various members of the staff won awards at the conference, and got to take home some shiny gear. Though, most importantly, everyone went home with beautiful memories of time spent together in the city. Our time there allowed me to reflect on Chicago and what it truly means to me.
I’m very happy to be able to say that I have been born and raised in Chicago, and truly mean it. I spent some time in the west side growing up, but have been living in the south side for the last ten years. Having spent so much time in the various areas of Chicago, I can say that I have developed a complicated relationship with this beautiful city.
For starters, Chicago has always, and will always, be home; so no matter what things I dislike about the city, it will always be special to me. Growing up, I was exposed to so many different cultures because of the diversity of the city. This allowed me to grow up well-rounded and open-minded.
My favorite part about growing up in a predominantly hispanic neighborhood on the west side was being able to speak my native language everywhere I went. Because of that, I was able to retain the Spanish language and can continue to communicate with it effectively.
Additionally, being able to spend time with people who look and act like me allowed me to grow up secure and confident with my identity.
As a child, I loved nothing more than to go to all the trendy shops on the north side. My favorite was a vintage shop called Hollywood Mirror, which has unfortunately closed since then. However, this shop used to be filled with strange objects, psychedelic art, and music so loud that it made you feel like you were inside a club.
To this day, I largely credit my exposure to the art scene on the north side for turning me into someone who can find inspiration in any strange little object.
Despite the wonderful memories I have from my childhood in Chicago, the beautiful sentiments have been diminishing the older I’ve gotten.
With how fast-paced the world has become because of technology, I have found comfort in the calm and quiet of suburbia. I would much rather sit in a small bookstore in the middle of nowhere than sit in a crowded and busy one in the city.
As extroverted as I can pretend to be, I would rather walk through a small town square as one of the twenty people there, than be one of hundreds in the middle of the busy Magnificent Mile.
I now find myself trying to stray as far away as I can from the busyness of the city. In fact, I find myself yearning to leave it permanently. While I will always miss the beauty it held for my childish eyes and imagination, I know that it is not compatible with the type of person I am growing into.
The older I get, the more removed I feel from my childhood self who could find wonder anywhere, especially in the middle of such a big city. I look at Chicago now and see a city that has fallen victim to fear-mongering related to violence in the city.
I can’t help but to acknowledge that even the liveliest parts of a city are now a shell of what they used to be as more and more stores and businesses continue to close down.
When I go back to the west side neighborhoods I spent my childhood in, I see its strong citizens trying their hardest to fight against impending gentrification as these neighborhoods lose their colorful playgrounds to beige ones and family-owned restaurants to Starbucks.
The more I think about it, the more I realize Chicago has become a ghostly reminder of the childhood I left behind. Maybe the reason I avoided the biggest parts of the city for so many years was in order to prevent myself from falling into a rabbit hole of nostalgia.
However, this past weekend, when I found myself back in the city, I couldn’t help but reconnect with a part of myself that I had locked away for many years. I thought I was going to hate walking through so many crowds, but it actually filled me with a much-needed boost of adrenaline.
The loud sounds and constant traffic didn’t overstimulate me. In fact, it got my brain pumped and working again. Suddenly, I was overcome with creative ideas and the yearning feeling of wanting to create something— anything!
What I truly realized; is that Chicago will always be a part of who I am, even if someday I am living hours away from it. I will never fully be able to leave Chicago behind, I’ll always have to come back to it because the spirit of this city fuels me in a way nothing else can.