Dear Lauren,
I feel like my boyfriend’s friends don’t like me. I try to get to know them, but they seem very stand off-ish, which makes me feel unwanted in their group. Perhaps it’s because we don’t have much in common? I typically never have an issue getting along with new people. How do I become amicable with people who haven’t given me a chance?
Sincerely,
Left Out of the Group
Dear Left Out,
Trying to make your way into a tight social circle is not an easy thing to do. I’m sure that your boyfriend’s friends don’t dislike you; they may just not know you. Maybe they aren’t even ready to have a new friend around. Like Seinfeld once said, “I actually only have three friends and I really can’t have anymore.”
While you may think that the issue is that you have absolutely nothing in common with his friends, that probably isn’t true. People have a vast variety of things that they like and things they don’t like. All you have to do is to find out what they do and don’t like. Instead of just asking them, you can just hang back and observe. Pipe up when you have something interesting to add to the conversation, but don’t force it. If you’re trying to force a conversation with people, they will continue to seem stand-offish.
You also could do something nice for them. Do you like to bake? Bring some cookies to the next gathering. It might sound lame, but everyone loves cookies, and everyone loves the person that can make damn good cookies.
Honestly though, it doesn’t really matter a whole lot if your boyfriend’s friends don’t like you. I’m sure you have your own group of friends that like you very much. It isn’t a relationship killer for you two to have separate groups of friends. You are individuals after all. Just be yourself and if they end up not wanting to be your friend, then that’s okay.
Good luck and remember to always listen to Lauren!
Lauren Dwyer
Senior Features Editor
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