I have been having some philosophical discussions with some friends recently. These discussions lead to me finding an interesting concept in an article by Tim Kreider of The New York Times.
The idea is this: “…a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all of the the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom.”
What an interesting and frightening concept I find this to be. Upon reading this I began to ponder…how far would I be able to make it down this staircase?
Would I make it to the bottom knowing that positive remarks lie at the end or would the sequence of critical comments be too much take in?
There is no doubt that someone, at some point in my life, has said negative things about me that were obviously never meant to reach my ears. I think I, and many others, try to uphold an “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me” attitude, but the honest truth is that we all care.
The opinions of others may carry more weight for some people, but we all feel that sting at least for second, a second that makes us question ourselves and our character or at the very least pokes a tiny hole in our ego, even if only temporary.
Perhaps more frightening than the idea of hearing what others had to say about us would be recognizing their voices.
It is highly likely that the source of the majority of this negative feedback would not be mere acquaintances who know little to nothing about us. We would be hearing the voices of people who, in fact, know us very well.
How many relationships would be ruined or dissolved as a result of the exposure of all the things we’ve said with confidence that they would never be repeated to their subject?
This seems evident to me as I reflect on my own close relationships.
It is, more often than not, the people we are closest to that annoy us and frustrate us the most. And, unfortunately, sometimes we make that known (although not usually to the person directly) by expressing that frustration and annoyance outwardly.
I think our pitfall is that when we hear this negative feedback or comments about ourselves we associate that with a general dislike or disapproval and that is rarely the case.
As mentioned by Tim Kreider, “We can’t believe that anyone could be unkind to us and still be genuinely fond of us, although we do it all the time.”
I have yet to come to a suitable conclusion on this topic.
I am not certain that hearing everything people had ever said about us would benefit us, at least not right away.
But its also important to keep in mind that while we would likely hear several negative things, I am confident that we would hear just as many good things that would redeem those relationships and our confidence.
And, there’s a chance we would all enjoy the benefit of a changed society.
To hope that we would simply stop feeling or thinking these negative things about other people would be unrealistic.
But perhaps honesty would begin to prevail, we might express our comments and concerns to the people they actually concern. An interesting experiment to be sure.
Bridget Goedke
Viewpoints Editor