When you like someone, it’s typical to want to spend more time with them, to ask them on a date. But as you get all ready, the big question pops into your mind, “How far should I take this?” You go into a panic that even the bravest would fear. You hope they want to go at your pace, and fear if they want to move things too quickly or too slowly.
On one hand, you want to respect them, on the other you really want to get some…some information about their life, that is.
So how far, intellectually and socially, should you get to know a person?
The idea of a date is hard enough but actually having to talk to a person and getting to know them? That can be the ultimate challenge.
It can bring up some uncomfortable conversations about past relationships, beliefs and values, scaring childhood memories or even worse, religion and politics.
Although getting to know a person for who they really are can be scary, it is something that must be done if a serious, committed relationship is to form.
The truth of the matter is, no one wants to get too close to someone and then end up being heartbroken. But the risk of heartbreak is miniscule in comparison to the amazing memories and lessons that are learned in a relationship.
That brings back the question to where it all started, how far should you go on a first date? From personal experience, the first date can be either a stepping stone or a tight-rope act.
I’ve been on dates that were stepping stones. These dates typically consist of surface conversation about the weather, favorite hobbies, and movies.
And normally they act as stepping stones to a relationship that is greater in the long run.
Or, you may be on the stepping stone to getting to know a person, and turn the other way. These relationships become nothing.
Then there are the first dates that are like walking a tightrope. You risk everything on a couple of answers to a few questions. You could find out their is nothing in common with you.
There could be differing controversial opinions. This can be a huge risk finding out this information when you really like the person. At any given moment the date could go from amazing to falling off this metaphorical tightrope. In one question and one answer, the date could be over.
Or the date could go even better than you could imagine. Thus, starting the journey of a lifetime.
Three and a half years ago I went on a tightrope date with a man where no topic was off limits.
Everything was talked about from opinions about current social issues, to theories of the universe. We moved quickly, and yet it felt right. And three and a half years later, I couldn’t be more in love and happy that I walked the tightrope.
So go on that date and risk it all. Ask the important questions and get to know the person authentically.
It may end in heartbreak and disappointment, but you will not know until you ask the important questions.
So stray from the surface questions and get to third base on an intellectual level.
And the answer to the question of, “How far should I go on the first date?” The answer is, try to score a homerun.
Emily Rubino
Opinions Editor
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