Relationships. We all have them.
We’re acquaintances, classmates, friends, family, husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends.
Relationships infiltrate every aspect of our lives and they change constantly.
There is no doubt that a relationship, whether really intimate and involved or not, can be extremely hard to handle and understand.
As college students, we are at a point in our lives were we are developing more relationships than ever, both personal and business, and those relationships are becoming more involved and complicted as our lives themselves become more complex.
Coming to the end of my freshman year of college and my first year living away from home, I have discovered that relationships can be invigorating, life-changing and beneficial or they are exhausting, frustrating and confusing, more often then not, they’re all of those things.
Learning how to successfully navigate a relationship, of any kind, and understanding the characteristics of a healthy relationship can change everything.
The one element that is a necessity for every relationship is equity. Put simply, the relationship has to be fair.
Both parties, whether it be a boyfriend and girlfriend, friends, husband and wife, or boss and employee, has to feel that they are giving and receiving the same amount within the relationship.
In less intimate and personal relationships, equity has to be present in terms of time and effort put into maintaining the relationship.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to spend all your time and effort on that person.
An integral part of every healthy relationship is spending time and effort on other things and with other people and encouraging your partner to do the same.
In more involved relationships, like romantic relationships and intimate friendships it gets a bit more complicated.
These types of relationships, for the first time starting around the age of a college student, begin to involve the sharing of money, space, personal items, personal information and sometimes even mutual friends or children.
The more sharing there is in a relationship, the more equity is needed.
Each person in the relationship has to have a clear and agreed upon understanding of their role and responsibility. Along with that, it’s important to have realistic expectations.
You can’t expect too much out of someone, but you also can’t be content with giving less than your partner or less than you are capable of giving.
According to a WebMD blog, “Realistic and agreed upon expectations of each other; with a willingness to live up to those expectations” is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Another key aspect of a successful and beneficial relationship is respect and acceptance. A healthy relationship does not require both parties to be perfect at all times, but it does require acceptance of the other person’s mistakes, failures and shortcomings.
Just as an employee will inevitably make a mistake on the job, a friend or romantic partner can and will make a mistake within a relationship.
When we refuse to accept the mistakes and shortcomings of other people, it is extremely difficult to be happy in any relationship.
Mutual respect is also very important. In an article for yahoo.com, Brett Blumenthal states “Treating others with the kindness and the respect they deserve is important in gaining the respect that WE desire…There will be times that we may not always have full agreement with our friends or loved ones, but respecting them along the way is a must.”
A willingness to accept and overcome problems rather than avoid them, ensures that those disagreements won’t turn into grudges, hurt, or a dissolving of the relationship.
I want to offer a bit of my own relationship advice. Granted, I am indeed young and have been involved in only a few complex, involved relationships in my lifetime. However, I have learned this for certain: different relationships are right and appropriate for different points in your life.
By this I mean that every relationship you have ever been in or relationships that you will be in all throughout your life, will be important for a different reason.
In addition, relationships are constantly changing.
It is important to accept these changes and it is even more important to accept the ending of a relationship, whatever type it may be, when it is no longer healthy, beneficial, or appropriate for a particular stage in your life.
Each relationship will ultimately teach you something that will change your life, your opinions, your personality or the way you handle future relationships in some way, so embrace it.
Bridget Goedke
Viewpoints Correspondent