Original Artwork The Xavierite
I know Halloween has come and gone, but allow me to share one last scary story that all should keep in mind as the holiday season approaches.
Girl meets Boy. Boy has just enough charm to secure Girl’s number. On their third date, he invites her over for dinner. Thanksgiving dinner.
What’s so horrible about that? Well, Boy didn’t think to warn Girl. It proved to be a comedy of errors.
His step-sister’s cousin’s baby spit up on her Manolo Blahnik pumps. She sat between his conspiracy theorist uncle and his grandmother who complimented her “child-bearing hips.” To top it all off, Girl (who, mind you, is Agnostic) was asked to say Grace.
Needless to say, Boy never saw Girl again.
Like all the scariest stories, this one is true. Let it be a cautionary tale.
There are many reasons why you should never bring a fresh flame home for the holidays.
If the relationship is too new, you run the risk of learning way too much about each other way too quickly or not learning anything at all.
On one hand, your extended family can reveal embarrassing details that you might want to keep behind closed doors during the early days of a relationship. You could be the most attractive person alive, but if your date hears about your bed-wetting before they even know your middle name, it’s going to be over before it’s even begun.
On the other hand, Thanksgiving is such a hectic holiday that you could be whisked away from your date at the slightest inconvenience and leave them stranded with a bunch of people they don’t know.
By the end of the night, your date will know more about your Aunt Kathy (thrice removed) than they do about you. They’ll leave with a recipe for Ambrosia salad, and you’ll go home with a recipe for disaster.
The night could also be just as awkward for your family members as it is for your date. Imagine you spend hours decorating your house and putting together a feast only to have a total stranger walk in as you start greeting guests.
When hosting Thanksgiving dinner, nine times out of ten you expect to only be serving people you know and are related to. Unless they’re in-laws, you don’t expect them in the house.
Why would you force your family and your guest to fumble through polite conversation just because you didn’t want to show up alone? How much do you know about your date, anyway? What if you pass the dinner rolls and find out they have Celiac disease?
Bringing home someone you don’t know very well could even lead to Soap Opera-level drama depending on the atmosphere you bring them into.
Practice self-awareness. Do you have family members who might steer the conversation in tense directions to showcase their radical political ideals? Are there stressful relationship dynamics between people at the table that your date might unwillingly be put in the middle of?
Does your date even believe in Thanksgiving? Participating in the holiday in any capacity might be uncomfortable if your date rejects the tradition.
Of course, there are situations where bringing a date to Thanksgiving could work.
Long-term friends could be reliable allies to hold your hand at the table. Partners aren’t totally off-limits, either. The danger isn’t simply bringing home a date: it’s bringing home a date you don’t know.
It’s not impossible to meet someone and feel like you’ve known them a million years after only a few weeks. However, you should be realistic about the people you pursue and be mindful of the Honeymoon period.
Matching with someone on a dating app can give you an instant boost of serotonin, but being infatuated with someone does not mean you should be welcoming them into your life and your family’s home on such an intimate occasion.
At the end of the day, I’m not saying you can’t bring someone home for Thanksgiving. To each their own! Just be certain that you aren’t jumping the gun and leaving your date with no escape route.
For those of you who enjoy having a good rule of thumb, think about keeping that invitation in your pocket until you’ve known the person for at least six months.
But maybe, despite the horror story I’ve told you, you still want to bring a date home for the holidays.
So, I offer a compromise: if you relish in the idea of maximizing awkwardness during this holiday season, then hey! There’s always New Year’s. Champagne can heal most wounds.
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